Sarcastic dating advice

Added: Brinda Mcninch - Date: 27.03.2022 08:51 - Views: 32189 - Clicks: 3324

Things were so much easier when we were lovestruck teenagers.

The most serious aspect of any relationship back then, was still texting the same person you shifted down the local underage drinking fest, three weeks on. Now, things are very different. Everyone's getting pregnant, well actually, no, it's not that different there.

If only 15 year old you could see loved up or indeed, single twenty something you, here is the advice you would give yourself:. A mark of any serious relationship back in the pre, real life days, was the of x's you sent or received at the end of your messages. The first few texts most likely to someone you've never met or have met, but were too shitfaced on Blue Wkds to rememberwere tricky territory.

Too many and you looked desperate, too few and they puuuuuure wouldn't even think you liked them. After a while, usually a period of two days, you settled into familiar territory and a solid five ex's were the new normal.

Oohhh now this really meant something. It was the adult equivalent of being engaged.

It meant business. It meant love. It meant everything. Every fifteen year old dreamed of being asked to be the other half of somebody. There was nothing more satisfying that putting that little declaration of love up there for the world to see, friends texting you minutes later to excitedly ask all about your mystery man or woman. Looking back, it was all a bit severe, someone as your other half when they've probably known that takeaway in their fridge for longer but alas, it was beautiful while it lasted. PDA's mean that you're in love. In fact, if you're not licking one another's face, it's all a complete sham.

This is never more evident that on a night out, be it down the local discho or hiding in the corner of the pub, nursing a pint of fat frog. See those young wans dry humping on another, drool flying as a result of too much shifting? Now they could teach you a thing or two about love. For example, they know that if people can see it from the opposite side of the room, then it must be real.

Ahhhhhhh classic teenage talk.

Perhaps this was because both parties had a of babes on the go at the same time and all of the overlapping meant that trying to remember another name was too much. Sticking to 'babe, hun, love, baby' or any other cringe worthy pet names, meant it was foolproof to be a serial lover. By todays standards, we all dressed like nuns back in the day, but by God, we thought we were the bees knees and the slutty cat's pyjamas.

Wearing tight jeans under a mass worthy dress was 'racy' and a strappy top basically meant you were up for anything.

More flesh, more success. If the shoulders were out, you were going to get lucky tonight love. Looking back at pictures of your younger self, prepare to cry a little inside.

Yes, at the time, green eyeshadow and an orange face was hot, now, not so much. Also, letting someone you lurrved see you without make up, was the worst thing that could happen to you, ever. Oh my god, imagine the sight of your pale, absent from green, face. There comes a stage in life where you decide to settle down and stop playing the field. This usually happens in your mid to late twenties or thirties.

You also have what is more commonly known as a 'false start ' to this, in your teenage years, when you decide that the life of a playaa is not for you, until, five weeks in, this becomes too much and you a life of being the teenage lothario of Castlebar. Setting up friends was oh so satisfying as a teenager.

Oh how endless the possibilities were. You set up failed couple after failed couple, never faltering in the hope that one will somehow be a match. In fact, when one of these trail and error relationships stand the test of time one month? You can already foresee your future summers spent hatching love plans down in Lisdoonvarna. Remember the gut wrenching fear that you experienced when you babbez didn't reply within ten minutes? Sadface, tb hun. Every school had the cool, slutty people. You know the ones, they waltzed around filling us all with their tales of riding half the town red.

We used to gaze at them in awe, wonder how the did it, wonder who they did. Take comfort in the fact that they're probably a parent by now. Now go get some. Oh yeah, personality is everything alright but can you take a personality for a walk around the town to make everyone green with envy? Can you fuck. You went out there, you found the hottest babe you could, you showed them off like a prize pet, you were cheated on, you were dumped.

Still proud of yourself though. Admit it. Remember the envy we all felt towards those present wielding wankers around the prime present receiving time? Again, comfort yourself with the knowledge that soon, they'll be stuck with wasting their precious money on crap in return.

Meanwhile you're there drinking it away in peace. Ahhh revenge. If you want to get involved in the world of tech, why not apply for the Vodafone Graduate Programme?

Applications are open for September and more information can be found here. Not to worry, this quiz isn't legally binding, you can still get involved in the world of tech. Toggle. Life By Alison Keogh. If only 15 year old you could see loved up or indeed, single twenty something you, here is the advice you would give yourself: 1 X's Are Key To Success. What is the name of the the company founded by Norman Osborn in Spiderman? What is the name of the company that develops replicants in Blade Runner? What company develops the Skynet AI system in the Terminator franchise?

USR are company in I, Robot that create the robots which serve humanity. What does USR stand for? Bruce Wayne, or Batman, runs a green conglomerate that goes by what name? This company procures the screams and subsequently laughter of children to create energy for an entire city. A novel idea, but what is the name of the company? Listen, we won't say anything if you don't You have It wasn't the worst showing in the world, but improvement is needed! Fair play to you! You're well on your way, keep going! Related Articles. By CollegeTimes Staff. Life By CollegeTimes Staff.

Alison Keogh. Alison decided to follow a sensible career route and chose to study Media. She happens to think of herself as a kind of Irish Beyonce after four Coronas, which usually in her being deserted on the dance-floor by her loving friends. Her horrifically short attention span seeps into many aspects of her life, resulting in her half hearing important facts and hating people who walk at a leisurely pace. Next ยป.

Sarcastic dating advice

email: [email protected] - phone:(479) 645-8058 x 1924

Sarcastic Relationship Advice From Your Teenage Self